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June 28th, 2058

First they came for Blake and I did not speak up, because I was not Blake. Then they came for Brechelle and I did not speak up, because I was not Brechelle. Then they came for Zender and I did not speak up, because I was not Zender. Then they came for me, and there was no one left, so I wrote this letter.

Hi, my name is Braydenn, and if you are reading this, it’s too late. We are all gone.

We were the last stronghold of the New Age of Children’s New Age Names of the late 2000 aughts and teens.

Perhaps we should have foreseen the backlash coming, but Samandra assured us it would blow over quickly. While we sensed the growing anger, we were never prepared for the actual battle, which was fiercer than our intel suggested. Even our warrior, Travail, was hastily subdued.

Let history show that we coexisted peacefully for years. We were merely children whose parents loved us and blessed us with the gift of individuality. We were brought into the world with a unique, homegrown label as our only possession. But it wasn’t long before others began re-labeling us and sending us out of society as a group.

We were your friends, your neighbors, your classmates, and your colleagues. Maybe we should have been more sympathetic to the plight of name confusion or needing to include the first letter of your last name, but it simply never occurred to us. Personally, I would like to apologize, to my friends Ashley B and Ashley M, as any missteps I may have made are explained by simple confusion. I never meant to hurt one of you.

I don’t think we ever anticipated our “progressive” names becoming so “proliferated” in society.

Looking back, I still cannot figure out what the final straw was. I know many believe it was the Inauguration of President Jaxton Wolf, while others point to the immediate memorializing year in the aftermath of Oprah’s death. Regardless, Xander, Zander, and Zndr deserve no blame, and will forever live on as martyrs for our cause.

Once the religious institutions spoke up, we knew we had to organize and reconsider our standing. The world had not seen the clergy of so many different faiths come together so devoutly to castigate a set of practices since the Enlightenment. They claimed we had strayed too far from the Bible, from God, and from our ancestors, rebuking our Ernolls and Teebooths, while conveniently forgetting their own Enochs and Tabithas.

When things got nasty, we fled from the cities and suburbs, into the mountains. Jestella and Wyatt suggested we set up our own colony, far away from the Saras and the Daniels who shooed us away. We took to the caverns that were scouted by Scoot and Craven and we had set up shelters for a couple weeks before they found us.

In the blitz, we were chased and scattered.

Perhaps there are other individuals out there in the same desperate position. If I am the last of my name, and the last of my cohorts’ names, I hope our story is retold accurately for future generations. I never wanted to be the voice of our banished society (Oraton was always much better with words), but there are so many names that want to be remembered. Please share my final thoughts:

We all believe in the same things: Justice. Hope. Serenity. Harmony. To us they were more than pillars of society, they were our names. And despite our Goodwill and Honor, you drove us out. And though I won’t live to hear the answer, I hope you question what it is inside you that found us so threatening?

May future generations know that we kept our Faith. We were True to ourselves. And that this unfortunate Destiny could have and should have been avoided. We did our best, but our brethren failed to see the value of Harmony.

Love to all,

Braydenn

Josh Bard

Josh Bard is a guy. A sports guy, an ideas guy, a wise guy, a funny guy, a Boston guy, and sometimes THAT guy. Never been a Guy Fieri guy, though.

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