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  1. Say you don’t like women musicians. Their voices. So whiny. And they only sing about boys.
  2. Say that you only liked her country music. You’d wish she’d go back to that style, even if country radio only plays men these days, more “traditional.”
  3. Say that you don’t like how political she’s gotten. Stick to music!
  4. Say that she sleeps around too much and isn’t wholesome. Maybe it’s because she wants to be in movies. Maybe she’s just a whore. Don’t say that explicitly. Someone might call you out. Just be subtle. Hint at it.
  5. Say that her material is too dark. Or her new stuff isn’t good. You don’t have to listen to it to have an opinion. But once you have that opinion: double-down. Don’t let the bounce you get when you hear “Getaway Car” dissuade you.
  6. Say that you don’t like her lyrics. For real: spelling was never fun! Gosh! What was she thinking?! Doesn’t she knowthat shade is a gay thing? She’s no ally!
  7. Say that you don’t like how she lashes out. She’s just so dramatic. Kanye, Scooter Braun, and innocent little Justin Bieber. Taylor, you need to calm down. It’s not like they helped the internet tell her to commit suicide, or anything.
  8. Say that you can’t stand how her music is so good it gets stuck in your head all day and you just need to re-listen to “Archer” because you’re hanging on the first and last words – “combat” – or the romantic swoon of “Can I go where you go?” on “Lover,” the title track from her forthcoming album which drops this Friday.
  9. Say that you’re getting a Capital One Card just to buy the special album. Fuck hating Taylor. Loving her is too good.

Lover, Taylor Swift’s seventh studio album, released in stores and online on Friday, August 23. It has already released in Thomas Viehe’s heart.

Thomas Viehe

Thomas Viehe prefers pop over soda, loo over toilet, fall over autumn. He lives with his wife and dog in a remote part of the country, Washington, D.C.

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