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Danielle, how are you?!

It’s been a while! Last I saw you, we were both funneling beers in a crowded college apartment in State College. Those were the days. And now look at us—struggling with the realization that our best days may have been the ones we spent fully bloated with cheap beer and BPA.

I know this phone call is out of the blue, but I wanted to firstly say thank you for your Facebook post this past week. It’s comforting to hear that you, too, are a battle-weary soldier in the war against depression. It’s so brave to admit something like that on Facebook! But I suppose you already knew that because you got 134 likes, 43 loves, 21 sad face reactions, and 18 comments.

It’s not only brave—it’s hard.

Locked in our own cranial echo chambers, it’s really hard to have an honest conversation with ourselves, and by moving all that self-talk to Facebook, you can now really have authentic, honest conversations with friends, family, and former one-night stands.

I for one, have not talked about my failed attempts at overcoming depression.

This is likely because I was raised Catholic. We Catholics have this feeling that if our souls aren’t staggering like a drunken Quasimoto, we’re doing it wrong. But I’ve tried everything: the cheapest therapists, the cheapest marijuana, the cheapest booze, the cheapest meditation apps, the cheapest self-help eBooks… Gosh, I’m rambling!

OK—TL;DR – I’m not as brave as you.

So all in all—I’m glad you picked up the phone today. Aside from admitting to your struggles, I’m really grateful you also offered your time, which by the transitive property is also your money, to play therapist to anyone in your Facebook friend-o-sphere who deals with mental health problems. It was a true act of selflessness vaguely offered to over 1,000 people—most of whom you don’t even know that well!

I am still awestruck. And if there’s anything a depressed person struggling with social anxiety and self-confidence really needs to step out of their sadness cocoon, it’s a blanket invite to talk about how fucked up they are from a casual acquaintance.

So, here I am taking you up on your offer.

You see, my life isn’t too different than all that beer funneling we used to do. I used to funnel life can after can and felt nothing but joy. But the funny thing about funneling liquids is you’ll pee them out as quickly as you consume them. Long story short, the latter half of my twenties has been one, long urethral stream draining me of my joie de vivre. And I’d love to hear how you….

…Hello? Hello? Hey Danielle, you there?

Jared Hutchinson

Jared Hutchinson thanks you for letting him be Mice Elf for once.

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