All the {Dream Jobs} I’ve Given Up On

What do you want to be when you grow up? It’s a question we all got asked as little kids. We gave our cute answer about some heroic, courageous, or impossible profession like space veterinarian or NFL referee or official pancake judge at the world’s largest pancake contest. As an adult, we now ask little kids the same thing to see what stupid nonsense babble falls out of their mouths.

It’s a difficult question that changes as you go through different stages in life. Elementary school. Junior high. High school. College. In the real world. In the middle of the night during an anxiety attack.

The truth is, dreams change over the years. Some are totally unrealistic. Some are way more boring or difficult than you initially hoped. Some might be possible, but they just won’t work for you. And that’s why you have to give up on some dreams.

Without further ado, here is a brief list of all the dream jobs I’ve given up on over the years.

Kindergarten: Superhero

1^st Grade: First astronaut firefighter to become president

2^nd Grade: Cereal mascot

3^rd Grade: Millionaire

4^th Grade: Professional video game player

6^th Grade: Competitive eater

8^th Grade: Baseball player

12^th Grade: Mechanical engineer

College Freshman: Movie director

College Sophomore: Porn star

Age 23: Work that doesn’t make me pray for death

Age 26: Someone with affordable health insurance

Age 27: First astronaut firefighter to discover a real dinosaur