Jay 3: This looks lovely, Jay.
Jay: Thanks 3.
Jay 3: You’re welcome.
Jay 4: Psh.
Jay: Yes, 4, is there something you’d like to say?
Jay 4: I don’t have to tell you ANYTHING!
Jay: Listen, 4. I know you’re the clone that accentuated my “bad boy” traits, but please. It’s just dinner. Can we give it a rest?
Jay 4: ::eye roll::
Jay: Thank you. I wanted to talk to you all today—oh please, please—start eating! Enjoy yourselves.
Jay 5: Why did you look at me when you said that?
Jay: I don’t know what you’re talking about, 5.
Jay 5: IT’S BECAUSE I’M THE FAT CLONE ISN’T IT??
Jay: Ugh, 5, come on…
Jay 5: Listen it’s not MY fault my metabolism balance got thrown off!
Jay 3: Please 5. Let’s just all let Jay say what he needs to say.
Jay: Thank you, 3. Now we’ve all been living in this house for a few weeks. And it’s become clear that some of us are pulling their weight more than others.
Jay 4: Heh, you talkin about 5 again?
Jay 5: ::tears::
Jay: 4, will you quit it? No, 5, it was just a poor choice of words—
Jay 3: 4! Let Jay finish.
Jay: OK, thank you 3. Hey! What is going on? Is there a reason you’re being so over-the-top nice to me today?
Jay 4: Kiss-ass…
Jay: 4, LANGUAGE.
Jay 3: Oh! I don’t know what you mean. I’m always nice to you. And appreciative. And respectful! A-and… and grateful!
Jay 4: What the hell is up your butt, 3?
Jay 3: Nothing! There’s nothing up my butt, there’s nothing going on, just normal 3. Happy. Happy living here with you, with all of you. Hehe.
Jay: Aaannyywayyys… As you all might recall, I created each of you to help me get stuff done around the house. Dishes, laundry. Honestly, anything I didn’t want to do, I thought I could pass on to my clone. But as these things tend to go, each clone wanted to do less and less, which is why we’ve got this many of you sitting at this table.
Jay 4: There’s no more rolls.
Jay: Really? The bowl’s already empty? Oh… Well that’s okay…
Jay 5: Sorry.
Jay: It’s fine. Listen, what I’m getting at here is I think the plan from the start went a little awry and wasn’t fully developed, and I’d like you to move out.
Jay 3: What? You’re just going to let us—uh, you want us to leave?
Jay 4: Move out?
Jay 3: Well that’s too bad but we understand, of course, you need your space. I’m gonna go pack—
Jay: Wait, wait I mean you don’t have to leave right this second. There’s no rush, you can at least take some time to finish your meal.
Jay 5: Why did you look at me??
Jay: I didn’t. 3 what is going on with you today? You’re all over the place.
Jay 3: Heh heh, nothing! Nothing just want to make sure—come on 5, get up. Let’s go.
Jay: Hang on, 5 isn’t leaving.
Jay 4: What?
Jay: 5 isn’t moving out, you two are.
Jay 4: Why?
Jay 3: I think we’d prefer to stay together Jay—
Jay: Well that’s not how it’s going to happen.
Jay 3: Please, Jay, what do you want with 5?
Jay: This is just how it is, 3.
Jay 3: Where’s 2, Jay?
Jay 4: …
Jay 3: Where is Jay 2?
Jay: Sit 3.
Jay 3: WHERE. IS. 2.
Jay 4: What the fuck is going on?
Jay 3: Look around, 4! Where is 2?? Have you seen him??
Jay 4: 3 what are you talking about, 2 is… is at…
Jay 3: New York? Right? Fulfilling one of Jay’s obligations, his cousin’s wedding. Right?
Jay: SIT. DOWN. 3.
Jay 5: What is this?
Jay 3: There’s no wedding, 4. There’s no cousin, 4!
Jay 4: Oh my god.
Jay 3: LET’S GO, 5!
Jay: There are aspects of this you don’t understand. Matter has to come from somewhere it doesn’t just—
Jay 4: Matter?? What the fuck are you—
Jay: —come from nothing! It takes old matter to make new matter. Energy in, energy out. That’s basic science. A principle of the universe.
Jay 3: Get up 4. 5, let’s go.
Jay 5: Where are we going?
Jay: Jay 2 wasn’t working as he should, I knew that from the start, and it was time to try again. There are no results without experimentation—
Jay 3: Now, 5. GET UP!
Jay: There wasn’t enough material available. I started out with more, but after 4, I only had so much to work with. There wasn’t enough to make another clone. But I had to! I had to keep going this work had gone too far… had come too close.
Jay 4: You! You sick fuck.
Jay 3: 5, let’s go.
Jay: YOU CAN’T TAKE HIM.
Jay 3: Don’t you touch—
Jay: I CAN’T ALLOW YOU TO TAKE HIM.
Jay 4: You know what man, back the fuck off, you lost the right to make decisions about our lives when you ended one for your fucking tests!!
Jay: I didn’t end anything! I continued something. I brought new life to what was—
Jay 5: Oh my god…
Jay: —to what was floundering, failing. The experiment had failed. I took the best of 2 and—
Jay 5: Y-You mean I’m… OH MY GOD!
Jay: You can’t leave, 5 you’re the—
Jay 3: DON’T TOUCH HIM!
Jay 4: GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!
Jay 5: ::tears::
Jay 3: …
Jay: You. You were supposed to be the last. The last one.
Jay 3: He will be. Your experiments are over.
Jay: You are the experiments! As long as you three live the experiments are not over!
Jay 4: We’re leaving now. Let’s go.
Jay 3: Goodbye, Jay.
Jay 5: ::sobs::
Jay 4: It’s OK, 5. Hey—you’ve got this. It’s… it’s gonna be OK.
::car keys click::
::car door opens::
::car dings repeatedly while door is open::
Jay 4: C’mon, get in, buckle up, It’s OK.
Jay 5: ::crying::
::car door slam::
Jay 3: …
Jay 4: We—
Jay 3: Let’s just go.
::car doors open, car dings::
::gun shot, inside the house::
::car door slam::