Dear Nice Guys™,
There is a reason you finish last, and it isn’t because you’re so damn nice. You’ve made being a Nice Guy™ your thing. It’s who you think you are or who you want to be. Something you’ve decided to strive for.
Often times when you meet a new woman, you get excited. You ask her out on dates, make plans ahead of time, and even keep them. Maybe you open doors and always pay for dinner. You say and do ‘nice’ things to get her hooked.
You use your niceness to get your foot in the door, and then you get in over your head. Because as a Nice Guy™, what you are really doing is lying. If you’re intentionally being a Nice Guy™, you’re doing it wrong. People that are born nice, don’t have to try to be nice; that’s just who they are.
You want to end things. But you want to spare her feelings, so, you think you have to be ‘nice,’ which means you have to lie. For some reason your understanding of ‘nice’ is to try to put the situation on yourself, say there is something wrong with you when in reality, all you have to do is tell the truth. It is, in fact, okay to change your mind and to say you just really aren’t feeling someone.
Something no one ever told you: being the Nice Guy™ is sometimes the cruelest thing. Nice Guys™ lie to serve themselves while hiding behind the guise of not wanting to hurt the woman they’ve been pursuing.
But instead of breaking ties by saying “I’m just not that into you,” you say somewhat ambiguous things like, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” What you really mean is “I don’t ever see myself liking you, but you like me enough that maybe if I say this you will still continue to give me the validation I so desperately desire.”
Women aren’t delicate flowers. We can take it. Upfront rejection hurts way less than being strung along for months because for some reason you feel like you owe this woman something. In life, you don’t owe anyone anything, but honesty and respectfulness will get you farther than you know. Why be a Nice Guy™ when you could be authentic, genuine, and real?
Your Girl Cece