Zach Straus
MeetZach Straus
Zach Straus peaked at 15 and is mostly held together by masking tape.

From the mind of Zach

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DRUG COMMERCIAL

Talk to your doctor about [ DRUG COMMERCIAL ]. If it works on this virile fire chief who was once totally sidelined, who knows what it’ll do for you.

Zach Straus
November 20, 2020
Wildcard
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Proposed Rebrands to National Parks Under a Second Trump Administration

While Joe Biden may have won the presidential election, the National Parks are the actual winners. Here’s what Trump would name them.

Zach Straus
November 9, 2020
Travel
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Whom I Blame for ALL OF THIS

How in bloody hell is Election 2020 still going? Why is this happening to us, America?!?! Zach has some fingers to point.

Zach Straus
November 5, 2020
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Alternate Dimensions I Am Fairly Convinced Exist

How many alternate dimensions are there? Well, a long time ago, we asked Jesse, but now Zach has opinions. And some of them involve Jesse, tbh.

Zach Straus
October 9, 2020
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Sentences Lifted from Targeted Ads on Social Media I Saw While Scrolling on My Phone During My Morning “Constitutional” This Week

Your morning constitutional is a sacred, vulnerable ritual meant for human and smartphone. What are the targeted ads that join you for a morning scroll?

Zach Straus
September 21, 2020
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Ways I’ve Seen A Certain Name Spelled Since November 9th, 2018, Which Is When I Started to Keep Track

How do you spell that name? Well, that depends on who you ask. Or if you ask Zach, who has been keeping track for almost 2 years.

Zach Straus
August 6, 2020
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Situations Where I, A 37 Year-Old Man Who Used to Be Athletic, Have Sent My Back Into Spasm Over the Past 3 Months

How have back spasms affected me? Let me count the ways.

Zach Straus
July 28, 2020
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POETRY: Wig Girl #1-3

The intimate, awkwardly close relationship of two strangers who pass each other on the street. Try not to look. Try not to engage. Try not to judge.

Zach Straus
July 21, 2020
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POETRY: cul de sac

Do you remember taking walks during your childhood? The great outdoors. The shoplifting. The moments of complete freedom.

Zach Straus
July 3, 2020
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