Zach Straus
MeetZach Straus
Zach Straus peaked at 15 and is mostly held together by masking tape.

From the mind of Zach

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FUNLEASHED! Fall Catalogue: The Best Leash Options for Your Child

So you want to put your dumb kid on a dumbĀ leash? Zach Straus isn’t responsible for your life choices.

Zach Straus
August 6, 2018
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A Spirited Defense of Hating Kids on Leashes

Some little white boy, probably named Tyler, is on leash but still terrorizing the families and solo travelers as they wait. All we need is a hero.

Zach Straus
July 27, 2018
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Book-Pun Titles I Will Not Use for My Inevitably Shitty Memoir

Do you like puns? Do you like buying self-indulgent memoirs that you’ll never read? Then have we got just the list for you.

Zach Straus
July 13, 2018
Prompts, Wildcard
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Forgotten Things I’ve Found In Coffee Shop Bathrooms, In Rhyme

This toilet seat is covered in piss, it just feels right to come up with a list. And now, the things we leave behind while things come from our behinds.

Zach Straus
July 11, 2018
Prompts, Wildcard
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Things I’ve Heard Through My Car Window This Summer

Is there anything more quintessentially summer than riding through the streets with your windows down? The sounds of summer, on loop.

Zach Straus
July 4, 2018
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What’s the {Envy Emoji}? How to Text Your Daughter After Your {Divorce}

When it all falls down, how are you supposed to move on with your life? Grip the phone, find the emojis, and pray your daughter responds.

Zach Straus
June 29, 2018
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An Incomplete and Growing List of Beers I Will Serve at My Hollywood Brewery

Welcome to Hollywood, where the beers are cold and the puns are practically insufferable. Have you tried the Katharine Heffburnweizen? It’s a classic.

Zach Straus
June 21, 2018
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Perfume Commercial

If Zach Straus had a standup tour in 2004, the third bit would have started “Man, you know what’s crazy? PERFUME COMMERCIALS, right? [LAUGH BREAK] I mean, who writes that stuff?”<

Zach Straus
June 12, 2018
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orlando
orlando

An Incomplete and Growing List of Places That Are Definitely Worth a Trip and You Are Certainly Allowed to Enjoy***

***but Should Also Know Make You Seem Uninteresting If You Crow About Them as Paradise or Your Favorite Place On Earth (Unless You Are Actually From There).

Zach Straus
June 6, 2018
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