For this week’s BODY ISSUE writing prompt, John decided to take on some erotica… rather unsuccessfully. Read with caution. NSFW.

In-N-Out’s “secret menu” is not much of a secret. But you’ve likely never heard of these hidden menu items at McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, and beyond.

No patience for the cripple kid down the street. Convinced birds are spying on him. Game of Thrones fans: Are we describing the Night King, or grandpa?

Just another story of a teen boy, through his love of Metallica, discovering how much he has in common with the struggles of black women. Wait, what?

John should have known, as soon as he had his first crushes, that his bad habits would haunt him forever. We always want what we can’t have.

John’s steaming mad about some really dumb stuff. Here’s a list of 10 pet peeves that might get you similarly enraged, or also, maybe not at all.

John never had a tick bite, was careful enough to avoid hanging out in the woods like some forest-dweller. Until that fateful day…

Hotel sex on Valentine’s Day is supposed to be loud and lusty. And while John and his lady lack chemistry, they sure feel the passion in the room next door.

I’m a man of means. Means enough that, if you cease this infantile complaining, we can end this evening sharing a meal at Cracker Barrel.