Ugh, 2017. THE.WORST. amirite? But don’t panic. If past is prologue, then we’ll be totally fine. Right? Just ask the dinos from 66 million B.C.

Did 2017 make you want to scream? Did you ever just indulge yourself? In this carefully worded piece, we succumb to our primal urge.

THE PLANET IS OUT TO GET ME. And I’m not just going to stand here while it plots against me and my family. I’m coming out punching.

Ready to move? We’re looking for a pale-faced, nocturnal, clean, and professional roommate who keeps quiet. MUST NOT COOK GARLIC.

Renowned music critic EEE-EEE-Click-Click-EEE-A-A-A-A rates the most underrated albums of all time. Trust him. He’s a real person. Definitely not a dolphin.

Pumpkin spice? Here? NOW?! No thank you! How can it possibly be delicious when it’s all orange and spicy and SPOOKY? BLARGH!

Well, goodbye there! Wouldn’t you like to experience the world in reverse? Take a peek at your past, which is your future, depending on how you look at it.

With the advent of AI, robots are practically becoming human. Which is why they can’t stop moping, trolling on Facebook, and watching Netflix now.