Elijah Sloan
MeetElijah Sloan
Writer of societal manifestos, ransom notes, bomb-making manuals, secession declarations, new constitutions, and children's picture books.

From the mind of Elijah

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{Vanity} & Victory: A Chance to Thank All the Little People

It’s great to have friends in high places. But having an army of little people crusading for your success? Now you’re talking.
Elijah Sloan
August 19, 2020
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{What If} Marvel Comics Accepted Any of My “What If” Pitches

If you’ve got big dreams and big ideas for big heroes on the big screen, it’s your time to shine. Marvel, how about taking a shot on some of these?

Elijah Sloan
July 22, 2020
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Always a Divorce Lawyer, Never a Divorcé

Till death do us part? How exhausting! As a divorce lawyer, I’ve helped thousands of people walk away from their commitments. When is it my turn?

Elijah Sloan
March 2, 2020
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Todd’s Facebook Profile Pictures: A Retrospective on {Self-Portraits}

Todd Guberman is deleting his Facebook. For real this time. We reflect on the impact his profile pics leave on the art world. We’ll miss you, Todd.

Elijah Sloan
December 31, 2019
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{Kids These Days} are So Entitled! Commentary from an 800 Year-Old

800 years from now, the generation of blood-slaves forgot the virtue of giving back to their immortal overlords. And you thought Millennials were bad?

Elijah Sloan
November 6, 2019
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{Dinner with 3 People from History:} An Unfair Assignment for Mr. Billingson’s World History Class

What do Spartacus, William Wallace, and Che Guevara have in common? They’re all revolutionaries who would totally HATE school and this DUMB assignment.

Elijah Sloan
July 3, 2019
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Two Truths and a Lie

Two truths and a lie is just a game, right? Just an icebreaker? Well, somebody better call HR. This dude just took it to the next level.

Elijah Sloan
June 12, 2019
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{What If} This Cashier Thinks I’m An Idiot?

You know that thing when the cashier says “enjoy your meal” and you think they’re going to say “have a great day” so you say “YOU TOO”? God, I’m an I

Elijah Sloan
April 23, 2019
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A Terrorist Network of {Pet Peeve} Artists

You think you can escape our open-mouth chewing? Our close-talking? YOU CAN’T. This terrorist network is everywhere. You cannot escape.

Elijah Sloan
April 2, 2019
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A sweet, sweet collective of writers, artists, podcasters, and other creatives. Sound like fun?
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