Elijah Sloan
MeetElijah Sloan
Writer of societal manifestos, ransom notes, bomb-making manuals, secession declarations, new constitutions, and children's picture books.

From the mind of Elijah

tommy-tong-131995
Prompt Images

{Kids These Days} are So Entitled! Commentary from an 800 Year-Old

800 years from now, the generation of blood-slaves forgot the virtue of giving back to their immortal overlords. And you thought Millennials were bad?

Elijah Sloan
April 21, 2017
self portrait collage guy
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Todd’s Facebook Profile Pictures: A Retrospective on {Self-Portraits}

Todd Guberman is deleting his Facebook. For real this time. We reflect on the impact his profile pics leave on the art world. We’ll miss you, Todd.

Elijah Sloan
March 27, 2017
nordwood-themes-182310
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Lonely Jim’s Amateur Guide to {Dark Chocolate}

After the divorce, all Jim has left is a blog and his taste for dark chocolate. He’s not feeding a sweet tooth. Jim’s here telling the bitter truth.

Elijah Sloan
February 27, 2017
dinner-world history-assignment
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{Dinner with 3 People from History:} An Unfair Assignment for Mr. Billingson’s World History Class

What do Spartacus, William Wallace, and Che Guevara have in common? They’re all revolutionaries who would totally HATE school and this DUMB assignment.

Elijah Sloan
February 7, 2017
pedestrian-stop
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{Two Truths and a Lie}

Two truths and a lie is just a game, right? Just an icebreaker? Well, somebody better call HR. This dude just took it to the next level.

Elijah Sloan
January 16, 2017
mask-face
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Secret Lovers: A {Celebrity Crush} on the Unknown

You know what’s hotter than being hot? Being completely unknown. Some celebrity crushes—like Banksy, the Zodiac Killer, and the Monster with 21 Faces—are better off mysterious.

Elijah Sloan
December 16, 2016
backwards-photo
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Backwards World Orientation: Through a {Mirror}, In Reverse

Well, goodbye there! Wouldn’t you like to experience the world in reverse? Take a peek at your past, which is your future, depending on how you look at it.

Elijah Sloan
November 30, 2016
time-travel
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Your Application for a {Time-Travel} {Passport}

If you have already applied for a time-travel passport, but changes to the timeline wiped that application from existence, you will have to reapply. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Elijah Sloan
November 10, 2016
genie-lamps
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A Genie’s Guide to {Wishful} Living

Being a genie is not easy. It takes hard work, infinite servitude, and confinement to an impossibly small living space. This simple guide can help to minimize your unsurmountable oppression!

Elijah Sloan
October 24, 2016
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