Elijah Sloan
MeetElijah Sloan
Writer of societal manifestos, ransom notes, bomb-making manuals, secession declarations, new constitutions, and children's picture books.

From the mind of Elijah

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A Terrorist Network of {Pet Peeve} Artists

You think you can escape our open-mouth chewing? Our close-talking? YOU CAN’T. This terrorist network is everywhere. You cannot escape.

Elijah Sloan
July 20, 2022
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{What If} This Cashier Thinks I’m An Idiot?

You know that thing when the cashier says “enjoy your meal” and you think they’re going to say “have a great day” so you say “YOU TOO”? God, I’m an I

Elijah Sloan
June 30, 2022
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Two Truths and a Lie

Two truths and a lie is just a game, right? Just an icebreaker? Well, somebody better call HR. This dude just took it to the next level.

Elijah Sloan
February 4, 2022
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{Getting Lost} in a Weird Circle of Hell… Demon Guard Confused What You Did to Get Here

Grathazzulgar is a weird little demon, responsible for guarding your Circle of Hell. And whatever you did must have been pretty weird to get sent here.

Elijah Sloan
November 30, 2021
Prompts, Wildcard
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A Genie’s Guide to {Wishful} Living

Being a genie requires infinite servitude and confinement to an impossibly small living space. Read this guide to minimize your unsurmountable oppression!

Elijah Sloan
November 3, 2021
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Todd’s Facebook Profile Pictures: A Retrospective on {Self-Portraits}

Todd Guberman is deleting his Facebook. For real this time. We reflect on the impact his profile pics leave on the art world. We’ll miss you, Todd.

Elijah Sloan
July 7, 2021
Prompts, Wildcard
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A {Calendar} Year in The Good Dimension

A humorous take on the events and holidays in The Good Dimension. Come explore an amazing place where nothing bad ever happens.

Elijah Sloan
May 31, 2021
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Me Against the Planet: Punching, Murder, {Recycling,} and Vengeance (in that order)

THE PLANET IS OUT TO GET ME. And I’m not just going to stand here while it plots against me and my family. I’m coming out punching.

Elijah Sloan
April 22, 2021
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Lonely Jim’s Amateur Guide to {Dark Chocolate}

After the divorce, all Jim has left is a blog and his taste for dark chocolate. He’s not feeding a sweet tooth. Jim’s here telling the bitter truth.

Elijah Sloan
February 15, 2021
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