Elijah Sloan
MeetElijah Sloan
Writer of societal manifestos, ransom notes, bomb-making manuals, secession declarations, new constitutions, and children's picture books.

From the mind of Elijah

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Backwards World Orientation: Through a {Mirror}, In Reverse

Well, goodbye there! Wouldn’t you like to experience the world in reverse? Take a peek at your past, which is your future, depending on how you look at it.

Elijah Sloan
September 20, 2017
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The Impossible Task of Motivating the {Robots}

With the advent of AI, robots are practically becoming human. Which is why they can’t stop moping, trolling on Facebook, and watching Netflix now.

Elijah Sloan
September 14, 2017
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{Comfort Zone} to Twilight Zone: The TV Scripts You’ve Never Seen

From the creators of The Twilight Zone. We unearthed the unedited, totally raw scripts from the never-produced The Comfort Zone TV show. It was, eh alright.

Elijah Sloan
July 26, 2017
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Fantasto-Man Speaks Out: Why It Sucks to Have {Superpowers}

Ugggh, having superpowers is SO EXHAUSTING. So much to do, so many expectations. I just wish I could be like you regular people.

Elijah Sloan
June 2, 2017
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{Misanthropy} Foundation: Making Life Harder for Idiots on This Planet

The Misanthropy Foundation’s president offers remarks on a year of stunning accomplishments in degrading life for all of humanity.

Elijah Sloan
May 19, 2017
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Demon Guards Lost {Circle of Hell}, Is Confused What You Did to Get Here

Grathazzulgar is a weird little demon, responsible for guarding your Circle of Hell. And whatever you did must have been pretty weird to get sent here.

Elijah Sloan
May 1, 2017
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{Kids These Days} are So Entitled! Commentary from an 800 Year-Old

800 years from now, the generation of blood-slaves forgot the virtue of giving back to their immortal overlords. And you thought Millennials were bad?

Elijah Sloan
April 21, 2017
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Todd’s Facebook Profile Pictures: A Retrospective on {Self-Portraits}

Todd Guberman is deleting his Facebook. For real this time. We reflect on the impact his profile pics leave on the art world. We’ll miss you, Todd.

Elijah Sloan
March 27, 2017
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Lonely Jim’s Amateur Guide to {Dark Chocolate}

After the divorce, all Jim has left is a blog and his taste for dark chocolate. He’s not feeding a sweet tooth. Jim’s here telling the bitter truth.

Elijah Sloan
February 27, 2017
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