I was 30 years old before I figured out what to do with my hair, an embarrassingly late age. I envy people who figured out their hairstyles early in life. People like Mark Davis, who I imagine live a carefree existence. How many times have they been able to say, “The usual,” while sitting in that chair, no anxious uncertainty squeezing their hearts like a vice.
Not me. Here are a list of my follicle trials and tribulations.
Bowl Cut w/ Middle Part a la JTT or Devon Sawa
Pink mohawk (2 times)
Buzz cut (not a skinhead)
Buzz cut, self-administered, the night before my high school graduation ceremony
Whatever this haircut, for boys whose parents have no imagination/desire for their child to be cool:
The I’ve-been-too-lazy-to-find-a-barber-in-the-7-months-since-I’ve-moved-to-this-city shaggy
Gelled so it stood up in the front (another 90s classic):
Bleach blonde hair
Dyed dark blue, because I messed up the black hair dye
Magenta bangs, because my friend had extra hair dye
Aughts Hitler Youth-Pompadour mash-up (current):