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Are a you a monster who’s tired of people only seeing your bad side? Your friends at The Prompt are here to help.

Use one of the following tips to upgrade your image, no matter what kind of reprehensible, indefensible creature you happen to be!

Werewolf? Try Carewolf.

Kill them with kindness! Instead of going on a rageblind, monthly rampage, paint a fun symbol on your belly (NOT a moon) and give a hug every once in a while!

Basilisk? Try Fennelisk.

It’s not your fault, but let’s face it: people just aren’t into Basil these days. If Fennel isn’t your flavor, try another spice. Just don’t choose Cilantrolisk! People will say you taste like soap!

Lady Vampire? Try Ma’ampire.

Class it up, a bit! Act your age, not the age you were when you got turned. I’d suggest modeling yourself after Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey. People will practically beg you to drain them dry.

Succubus? Try Successubus. 

Instead of tapping into the power of a man’s lifeforce while he sleeps, tap into the power of visualization. Nothing changes a non-life faster than the power of a positive attitude.

Zombie? Try Zom-bee.

Colony Collapse Disorder is real, and someone needs to come up with a Plan B. You already wander around semi-aimlessly through fields and gardens, so why not start pollinating plants as a side gig? The world will thank you.

Windigo? Try Windigofundme. 

Sure, you might be a giant, flesh eating monster, but people will easily look past your cannibalistic origin if you start raising money for people in need through crowdfunding. Prey locally, but act globally!

Ghost? Try Ghosty. 

Take a cue from Banksy and change the conversation. Maybe you’re not haunting people; maybe it’s just thought provoking art in a public space.

Manticore? Try Personticore.

Don’t let those Persians assume your gender! Soften your image by rejecting the shackles of patriarchal language. And make sure to stop talking about how women only make you 78% as full as men!

Jersey Devil? Well… umm… I got nothing.

Sorry, bro. Everything sucks from Jersey.

Zach Straus

Zach Straus peaked at 15 and is mostly held together by masking tape.

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