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TINA: OK guys, let’s start it off. As you know, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are getting married so–

JAY (walking past conference room): it’s about to be ALL ROYAL EVERYTHING, boy-eeee! Sorry, yo, I heard you talking.

HOLLY AND JERRY roll their eyes.

TINA: Jay’s right, though. And as the AOR for Royal pudding, I’m calling this brainstorm today so we can come up with a hashtag and some guerrilla executions—

DAVE: Not another Harambe meeting! I’m outta here. I’ll be on my boat if you need me.

CLAIRE: I think I’m out, too. I’ll be in my office, you know, working. How else is Dave gonna keep making payments on his boat?

TINA: Let the brainstorm commence!

SUZANNE: What if we staged a wedding between different flavors of Royal pudding? Like chocolate, and vanilla…

JILLIAN: Is that racist?

EVERYONE LOOKS AT BHAK, who is Thai.

TINA: …I’ll write it down. There are no bad ideas.

JEN: Royal pudding wrestling?

TINA: …except maybe that one.

JEN: *signature laugh*

EVERYONE laughs.

LAURA: What if we came up with some sort of scoring system, like, 5 points when they explain how many people would have to die for Harry to become King, 3 points when someone mentions Pippa, 1 point for every person named Rupert or Mildred…

SUZANNE: This sounds like a drinking game!

LEGAL storms in and erases the idea from the whiteboard.

BLAISE: Recipe contest?

TINA: Good, good—

BLAISE: Yeah, we can publish a recipe e-book and then maybe have a truck tour where we give out samples at fairs and festivals, and—

JEN: I think that’s the program we just concluded for Pepcid??!

TINA scribbles out what she was writing.

JERRY flips his notebook around, where he has a full-color sketch of a pudding robot.

HOLLY: …and that’s our Castrol femmebot.

JERRY: It looks nothing like her!

JILLIAN: Forget no bad ideas, I feel like there are no new ideas!

PETE: Well, as sure as Al Gore invented the internet, Marty Levine invented online marketing. Come on, guys, think!

CRICKETS chirp.

JILLIAN: PUDDING on the ritz? Don’t write that down, that’s just bad.

BHAK: No, wait, mayyybe… hear me out. You know how they always ‘slime’ people on Nickelodeon? What if we used that somehow?

TINA: You CANNOT possibly be suggesting we drop a platter of pudding on Meghan Markle—

HOLLY: What about a Meghan Markle lookalike?

JERRY: Yeah, and Carson Wentz can be Prince Harry! E-A-G-L-

JEN, a Giants fan, shoots Jerry a death glare.

JILLIAN: Call Tommy, see if he can get to Carson Wentz.

IRA: Hey guys, Dave’s gone for the day, should I order in lunch for everybody?

CACOPHONY ensues, as everyone races out of their seats muttering “Oh, thank God,” “I thought that meeting would never end,” “I’m starving,” etc. Tina, pen in hand, mouth agape, simply shakes her head. The lights fade.

– F I N –

Jillian Conochan

Jillian Conochan is a professional amateur; writing and editing just happen to be two current pursuits. Opinion range: strong to DNGAF.

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