28 Lessons: The Wisdom of Yoga and the Absurdity of Kripalu

There is a concept in Buddhism called Samvega, which roughly translates to “realizing the futility and meaninglessness of life as it’s normally lived, which causes a wholehearted longing for a deeper investigation into the inner workings of the mind and self.”

I know this concept because my life felt like a hot mess of futility, so I read a book called The Wisdom of Yoga.

It was a difficult job to be a real estate agent during a massive recession and housing bubble burst. I was constantly telling clients, “Don’t sell your house now. Wait it out, values will go back up.” And I hate telling people No. The job had stopped being fun.

I had personally seen my three real estate investments (a house, a condo, and a co-op apartment) go from $100,000 in positive equity to $200,000 under water over the course of just a few months. Every conversation was difficult. The thrill of material gain was gone and left me wondering “What was the point?”

I was ready to get out of the rat race.

The author of my Wisdom of Yoga book, Stephen Cope was the Senior Scholar-in-Residence at the Kripalu Wellness Center for Yoga and Health in the Berkshire Mountains of western Massachusetts. I had tried yoga a few times and pretended to meditate, but never had a steady mindfulness practice. But reading Cope’s book made it seem like a simpler life off the grid was possible. I booked a five day stay at Kripalu for my wife Christina and me, to go deeper into our Samvega.

The grounds of Kripalu were magnificent. Manicured lawns stretched far and wide to a lake surrounded by forested mountains. The view would make Ralph Waldo Emerson think Walden Pond was a garbage dump. If I couldn’t find inner peace here, I couldn’t find it anywhere.

The main building was originally built as a Jesuit chapel but was later purchased by Kripalu. The architecture feels like the Christian God lived there but moved out, then a Hindu God took over the lease and redecorated. There was a Shiva statue all the places where a Jesus statue used to be.

Many visitors stay in communal rooms, with 20 bunk beds smooshed together like a dodgy gap year hostel. We opted for more privacy as we dipped our toes into the brave new world of enlightenment. Our two-person room was in the newly built wing. It had a deliberately minimalist design—no extra stimulation to cloud our minds. We dropped our bags off and headed to the main hall, excited to get to our first event.

We opened the double doors to the cathedral-like room, revealing a scene of bliss. It was Yoga Dance. New Age music played as a group of predominately women, mostly in their 40s and 50s, gyrated and swayed their bodies. This was the physical embodiment of the phrase, “Dance like no one is watching.” It was beautiful, it was empowering… and I felt completely out of place. It’s not that I’m afraid to look silly in front of people. Any Intro to Improv class will have you jumping around and talking in gibberish in the first 30 minutes. But I took it as a learning experience.

Lesson learned: Yoga Dance is not my way to bliss.

That night, Christina and I split up to go to the male and female aqua therapy rooms. When I arrived another gentleman sat in the hot tub relaxing. If it helps paint the picture, I remember him looking like the actor Luis Guzman. We chatted for a while as the water rejuvenated our bodies. He told me that he was a New York City firefighter that realized he was gay after 9/11. Life seemed so short so why keep hiding who he really was? His story was beautiful, it was empowering… but I couldn’t help but laugh at how out of place I felt.

Lesson learned: A middle-aged, Puerto Rican New York City firefighter hot tub coming out story is not my way to inner peace.

We woke up the first morning and headed to a yoga class. I focused on my breath. I assumed the asanas. As the blissful music washed over me, all I could hear in my head was my own voice screaming at the top of my lungs. My inner voice was tired of thinking about real estate. It was tired of trying to reach enlightenment. It just wanted to get out and have some fun.

From that moment on, I unapologetically laughed at every weird little thing I saw. Kripalu became hilarious. I kept a record of everything I thought was funny.

1. The cafeteria food is mostly vegetarian. Lots of raw vegetables and beans. Every time I walk in a communal bathroom, explosive farts shake the walls.

2. There is a group of 20-something yoga trainee women that hang out in front of the building. A shirtless Latin guy is with them, and I think he controls the pack like a swami. Yesterday I saw him make two girls climb a tree.

3. Before dinner we did a yoga class where the woman next to me fell asleep.

4. After dinner, we went to a drum circle class where 25 people with no rhythm were hitting bongos.

5. While Christina was in her whirlpool, the other woman was trying to masturbate on the air jet.

6. Christina and I were sitting alone when an old lady sat at our table and started to complain that her dorm mate kept interrupting her and complaining about her problems. The old lady did not see the irony in this situation.

7. After dinner there was a female lounge singer singing specifically sad songs. The ad for the show said “come listen to me sing sad songs.” We stayed for a rendition of a James Taylor song and “Hotel California.” I was not impressed.

8. There is also one particular woman who reminds me of the Indian from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. She is tall with long, white hair and has a completely emotionless face. She is either on the brink of pure enlightenment or a complete mental breakdown.

9. We are taking a gardening class and our teacher got his Ph.D. in nutrition from Boston University where he wrote the groundbreaking paper on the nutritional dominance of blueberries. He owns a 20 acre farm where he grows all his own food. He talked about killing 13 porcupines, digging 13 holes, burying the 13 porcupines, and then planting 13 tomato plants on top of them. He is also really into the power of the moon for gardening. We are supposed to take a bull’s horn, fill it with cow manure and bury it in the ground when Saturn is opposite a full moon, then plant brussel sprouts. It felt a little culty.

10. In the afternoon, we went on a 2.5 hour hike in the woods with the 12 older women in our class. The main discussion was about the power of the motor in a Vitamix blender. Some claim it is as powerful as an airplane motor. I don’t know if I believe that.

11. I read the Kripalu guest guide this morning and here is an abbreviated timeline about the center.

• 1983 – The Kripalu Yoga Ashram moves from Pennsylvania to Stockbridge, Massachusetts (where I am now)
• 1988 – Kripalu’s legal structure is formalized as a church and residents take a formal vow of celibacy
• 1994 – The Kripalu ashram dissolves when its spiritual leader is forced to resign amidst allegations of sexual misconduct and abuse of power.

12. I worried about the cult angle but was interested in the sex angle. While walking to breakfast, I saw two of the young yoga trainees stretching each other out in front of the building. The man lay on his back with his back arched. The girl stood, straddling his head helping him arch his back. It looked like either a standing/laying 69 or that the girl was just going to take a dump in his mouth. No one else outside thought this was odd. I was literally crying with laughter.

13. We ate breakfast in silence. Did I mention that the dining hall has a silence only rule for breakfast?

14. After lunch, we walked outside and the 20 somethings were hula hooping. No one thought this was odd.

15. In the afternoon, our gardening teacher talked about the bugs you can find in a garden. This included a slide show with a photo of two Japanese beetles humping. Subliminal messaging? I think so.

16. During the yoga class, we did a position called frog pose. This is also known as the female pose in doggy style where your butt is up in the air. The class was a sea of spandex butts. The one weird thing is that there was a 70 year-old man doing the class in a button up dress shirt and slacks. He must have known about the frog pose in advance.

17. At dinner everyone was pretty excited because that night was dessert night, the one night of the week when they serve dessert in the cafeteria. The girl we ate with took two brownies and said they weren’t both for her, she was going to bring one back home to her boyfriend. Funny, she never mentioned a boyfriend before that.

18. We went to a Kirtan chanting performance. This was a live band that played music while the singer sang in Sanskrit. In a call and response, we sang the Sanskrit back to them. A few of the chants included favorites like, “Govinda Jaya Jaya Gopala Jaya Jaya” and “Ong Namo Gurudev Namo.” I just went along with it but am very scared I may be responsible for chanting a hellbeast into existence. Pray for me.

19. On my last day at Kripalu, I had begun to really question everything about the place. We stayed in the Annex, which was built 6 years ago. They built the whole building out of concrete to make it environmentally-friendly. When you strip away the modern light fixtures and bedding, we essentially stayed in a concrete bomb shelter. Another interesting feature was that in our private room, the shower had a glass wall so you could watch someone when they shower. My guess is that this also allows for full viewing from wherever the hidden camera was located.

20. We went on a walk in the morning to the Labyrinth. This was a circular path that you walked in to meditate. I imagine your sacrifices happen in the center.

21. We walked down to the lake. Lots of canoes and rowboats but no oars. This showed only a perception that escape was possible.

22. As we walked back into the building, a 20-something yogi ran out the front door wearing a blanket and threw herself to the ground on the blanket and made a moaning sound. No one else thought this was odd.

23. At the front of the main hall, there was a statue of Shiva. Upon closer inspection, Shiva stood on a dog’s body with a baby’s head. I’m not even sure what to think of that.

24. At lunch I also saw the groundskeeper, Moose, who has been working there since it was a church in the 1970s. He was talking to the guy who was part of the laying/standing 69/face dump. It was clear they were talking about the sexual secrets passed down through the years.

25. After lunch, we had gardening class. I started asking more questions about our teacher. He taught a survival class at the University of Maine where he caught a fish and ate it with his teeth without cooking it. He also consults on a project in Costa Rica where Gisele and Tom Brady are buying a 5,000 acre sustainable farm. So basically, he is planning on the downfall of civilization where he will be prepared to survive and help Tom and Gisele start a new super race. He also taught us how to can fresh tomato sauce from your garden harvest.

26. On the ride from Kripalu to the airport I talked to my driver. He was 67 and lived in the area his whole life. He worked 3 days a week as the shuttle driver for Kripalu but had never actually been to the center. Maybe the people who live near Kripalu know to stay away. As we talked more, I realized that he was, in fact, bat shit crazy. At least 3 times he referred to having sex or trying to get laid, then let out a maniacal laugh. People from the mountains are just fucking crazy.

27. It was surprisingly easy to leave the center. No centurions stopped my exit or pushed me into a room to watch the exit video and drink the Kool Aid. My biggest concern was that Christina stayed on for the weekend without me. I just hoped that they didn’t sacrifice her to the hellbeast.

28. My final thoughts about Kripalu are that it is a cult that is simultaneously planning on destroying the world with a summoned hellbeast and rebuilding the world with a super race of Tom and Gisele clones. Honestly, I’m totally fine with that. When the world ends I’ll be standing/laying 69 with Gisele while Christina takes a dump on Tom Brady’s face.

I left Kripalu feeling like a new man. My spirits were up. The screaming in my head stopped. Life was fun again.

The Wisdom of Yoga had one more thing to say about Samvega: For saṃvega to be an effective drive to practice, it must be accompanied by another emotion called Pasada, a “clarity and serene confidence.” Pasada is what keeps saṃvega from turning into nihilistic despair by providing a sense of confidence that there is a way out.

I found my pasada in comedy. In laughing at myself. In laughing at my surroundings. There is a way out of the rat race. It’s having a bite of cheese, laughing with the other rats and not worrying about who wins.